Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have tasted many bathrooms
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
