just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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