i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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