So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
