just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
