who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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