White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
