were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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