New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
