I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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