I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
