I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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