Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
