If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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