Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
