rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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