i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
