I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We need to get me chipped asap
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
