why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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