There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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