Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
