Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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