I accidentally had phone sex last night
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
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i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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