i think i have two assholes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
