i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
