sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
