the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
