did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
