plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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