hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
