I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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