I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
