sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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