My friends, they love my intelligence
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
