he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My balls are so social today.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
