Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
