So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
