That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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