last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
