I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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