i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We need to rekindle our bromance
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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