They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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