John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize