i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
FUCK WHALES
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
