Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
