apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
