whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
