i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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