I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
