She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
