DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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