Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
