i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What drink are we having for lunch?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
