its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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