I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize