Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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