Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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