I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
