i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
