Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
