their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
