i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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