are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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