is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
