yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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