oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I cockslap morals
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
