i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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