i think my tv is drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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