He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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