Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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