What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I smell like Dick and happiness
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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