He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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