ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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