We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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