he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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