I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
