he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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