Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
