Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
