first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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