There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
