Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
