His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
