I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
