Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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